14 Comments
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Cori Mordaunt's avatar

Such a hard journey you are on. Thanks for openly sharing these tender moments amidst the pain.

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Searching for the Words's avatar

Thank you, Cori. Being able to share them helps the tender moments to sink more deeply into my spirit so that I can remember all the good in the midst of the sorrow. Thank you for joining us on the journey.

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Doug Koop's avatar

Sorrow and love flow mingled down.

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Searching for the Words's avatar

Yes. Beautiful words from one who knows.

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Kirbie Earley's avatar

This is beyond precious and so sweet. You handled his fears so very well, even in the midst of your own sadness. Thank you for sharing.

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Searching for the Words's avatar

Thank you, Kirbie. It is also rooted in the truth of our faith - which gives us an eternal hope. ❤️

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Lynda MacGibbon's avatar

Sometimes a person’s initial question is just a crack in a doorway opening to a conversation that eventually answers the heart question. Bravo for returning to Doug, for going deeper. Thank you, as always, for sharing your life here.

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Searching for the Words's avatar

So true, Lynda! Your observation hadn't even occurred to me - so I am grateful you pointed it out. I will be on the lookout now for this very thing again. Thank you! 💕

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Pam Johnston's avatar

Thank you for sharing this beautiful moment with us. One of the most difficult legs of the dementia care journey is the stretch where our loved ones still understand what's happening to them.

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Searching for the Words's avatar

Thank you for reading and commenting, Pam. I am grateful that my husband’s moments of awareness seem to be limited to just that - moments. It does make things harder in one way because we are not able to have open conversations about so many things, but he is mostly happy. This episode was just one of those moments. I am grateful they seem to be few and far between.

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Abruptly Biff's avatar

Thank you for this. I am trying so hard not to correct my husband when he uses words that do not exist or starts a conversation with nonsensical phrases. We are just at the beginning of this journey, which frankly I do not wish to go on.

When I asked for advice from my father's medical team in coping with his strange accusations and very odd observations, they suggested I change the subject. It worked well with my Dad.

But it is hard to change the subject, when I don't actually know what the subject is.

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Searching for the Words's avatar

I'm so sorry, Abruptly Biff. It must be very difficult!! May it comfort you to know that you are not alone on the journey, and that none of us wants to be here.

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Abruptly Biff's avatar

I have good friends who are much further "ahead" and are providing good advice in coping. I don't think any phase is necessarily better, but it seems that the beginning is the scariest, both for me, and I need to remind myself - especially for my husband.

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Searching for the Words's avatar

Yes. I think you have figured out the key to compassion - at least it has been the key for me: remembering what this must all be like for my husband. When I get frustrated or feel impatient with how he is, I try to remember how much he has already lost and what that must be like for him. As I have been able to embrace compassion, I have seen him become more trusting and contented. He seems to feel secure and aware of how deeply he is loved. And that, in turn, makes this all so much easier. I hope the same for you, Abruptly Biff. Thank you for reading here.

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